das ende

The little things add up you know, the easy option is to get depressed. I don’t do depressed (It is just a state of mind ) AFTER FINALLY accepting that sometimes you cannot beat the system, We made the decision to Sell up and move on. There will be new dreams and new adventures but the Der Bauernhof has died a death due to a government department being unable to grasp basic mathematics.

So as this is the very last BLOG I have decided that the best thing to do was look back for one last time at the things we enjoyed and the stuff we achieved, there are literally thousands of pictures I could have chosen from the best part of 5 and a half years we labourd towards our goal.

THESE pictures are really not in any particular order as that would have been almost impossible some i will annotate some speak for them selves. We hope you have enjoyed our journey as much as we did and it is with a heavy heart that we have to walk away.

Goodbye from Me and Auf Wiedersehen from Martina XX


Apologies that this is last weeks blog delayed I could tell you how busy We are But you would struggle to believe me. Anyway onward firstly there is Things I shall Miss ( Part One ) followed by Auditioning for the Darwin awards 🙂 Confused google it..

As the clatter of the almost agricultural engine in “the Major” stuttered to a halt and the dark and the silence engulfed me . The peace was broken by an owl in the tree behind me exalting to another owl on yonder hill ” My hoot is better than your Hoot”! only to be told in no uncertain terms by the owl on yonder hill , I dont thinks so My “hoot is better than yours” and so it went on……. Only to be rudely interrupted by a couple of cockerels calling “nice hoot but can you this a doodle-do” ..

Its dark o clock when I arrive in the mornings now so when I arrive I put on my head lamp so I dont fall flat on my face, I aint pretty now so gravel rash is NOT a good look. as I turn the beam towards the barn I am greeted by two rows of iridescent eyes following every move i make. I dont speak Goat But I know they are Moaning That I Im feeding the Pig and and rabbits before them . Still the Shining Eyes follow my every move until I open the door to feed them , At which Point My Goaty friends are not remotely interested in me JUST the bucket of food in my hand. After the barn crew the Girls the Rabbits and Toby. I refill my buckets and head off down the hill feeding the older kids and the Wrecking Crew. all the poultry and when all is fed and happy I can get in to the Major and go to work.

Yes it does make the day a long one however if it were my choice I would still be doing it for some time. Martina has spent many a long hour up here during the time I am at work in all winds and weathers. The man from the Planning inspectorate HAS NO idea Hard work The Love The Sweat and the tears We have put into this adventure and we shall both miss it BUT now there is no way forward we would both like it over asap , It is not quite as easy as that sounds as we still have stock. and all the stuff we have bought overn the last few years Now has to be Sold. Which brings us nicley to this weeks blog intitled ,

Auditions For the Darwin Awards

One of the major drawbacks of having stuff for sale You dont have any say in who wants the stuff. SO YOU Have conversations like THIS:-

Hello You have a 2 meter foot bath for sale ?

Me: Yes I do

How Big is it ?

Me: What ?


Hello You have a Quad for sale…?

Me: Yes

How Much do you want?

Me: £500

But The advert says £200

Me: you read the Advert? So why ask


Hi Mate You have a Quad for sale?

Me: Have you read the Advert?

Oh Yes Mate, How longs the MOT?

Me: Obviously You Didn’t.


hI Mate You have two Calf Feeders for sale £120 , How Much for them Both ?

Me: it is for them Both,

How Much for Just One mate

Me; Wanna Take a guess?


The bandsaw you have for sale do you still have it?

Me: Yes Mate I do

is the blade with it ?

Me: No did you READ the advert?

How much without the Blade?

Me: It is priced without the blade , they are less than £20 from Axminster tools.

so you want 45 pounds for somthing I can buy new for £175 without the blade


And is if to piss me right off its less than a quater of what I have to advertise.. It aint gonna get any better I Know…..

anyway as if to goad me and martina about what we are missing here is what we were doing in 2016

And the year Before 🙂

Bye chat sooner (*__*) M&M

miracles and the “Major”

You know I keep harping on about just how special our little bit of Britain is well here is something that will make Gasp and go a long way towards confirming my appraisal. After much heart searching and consternation realising our dream has been killed by the stroke of a pen We after looking at all avenues to stay decided we cannot fight the Planning Inspectorate any more We are just too tired . So reluctantly we decided to put our little smallholding up for sale. Here is the justification for my love of this place. On Tuesday it went on the market with a local estate agent we had a viewing Friday and accepted an offer from a lovely family on Saturday Im Not sure if that is a record. but 5 days to sell speaks volumes of the effort entailed in our venture and the impression made to the people who want to purchase. And it has Not stopped since. We have asked the estate agents to take it off the web but have had multiples of interested buyers JUST Rocking of and randomly Phoning.

Here is WHY 😦

We will miss this view immensely though I am convinced the New owners will be as pround to show us thier stamp on it at some point in the future .

Henry “F”Honda is Dead … Ahhhhh

Meet The Major.

I am so gonna get grief for this , after telling my mates “IF you ever see me looking at a Freelander again You can beat me till I bleed ” YUP We bought a freelander NOT just any old Freelander this was owned for Most of its Life By a Major ( Did not strike me he was sally army ) But he was however about as anal as any car owner could be . We are talking every bill every service he even had the Advertising flyer that was in the windscreen when he first bought it from Taunton Land Rover. A regular Nutcase. but it is a diesel 4×4 that has only covered 6000 miles a year since New. and it is complete with a unused tow hitch ( My God that will Change )

Another good reason for giving him the monica “Major” is the grief I will get for buying it … ie What the F**K Made Yer ( Major ) Buy That ?

Must Go Im running Late..

Will update Soon


Why so SAD ?

Toby our youmg Mangalitsa boar is in a miserable mood , His brother and two half brothers have left. He as he has a complete set of testicles so lives to fight another day. He has no Idea where they have gone and is blissfully unaware of their fate. I didn’t have the heart to tell him then truth so I told him they were auditioning for Britain’s Got Talent. But now I come to think about it I probably made him feel worse than had I told him the truth , That they were off to make pork pies. as frankly that is much easier to come to terms with than the embarrassment of BGT 🙂 still he does look sad and lonely . So if you have a home for a young very hairy pig who is looking for Love… drop us a line

The man who arrived from the Estate Agents to give us a quote on the farm and its possible sale price neglected to take any pictures of the one thing that stands out at the top of the property namely the Barn . So I have taken a couple of pics and sent them to him , I dont know how he missed it it is after all 100 ft lont and 24 ft wide in places. and of course now partly covered in Virgina creeper , that is slowly turning Red.

After all martina and I put a lot of graft in to its construction.

For the most part I have been strimming the overgrowth from under the electric fencing ( to negate earthing ) so the Big boys can go back in to the orchard and continue clearing brambles.

Apart from a glancing blow to the nether regions ( by an over eager goat ) there is nothing of importance to write about this week so I wil do what I normally do and finish with something from previous BLOGs.

In 2017 this week we were doing THIS

and the year before it was THIS

We will no doubt chat again soon


What Do you do on the hottest recorded “late bank holiday” ?

Oh course you do.

Talking of wood after the branch snapped off the “big old Oak” and crushed a shed I had my brother come up and saw it up it to managable chunks and take away anything that would help his business. ( Windfall Furniture .)

I have had a strimmer strapped to my back for most of the weekend . The Planning office still fail to understand that its not JUST about feeding animals , farming is much more than that.

Like the picture in the sequence reveales . National Holiday or NOT if work needs doing .. YOU DO IT .

The alternating weather is confusing the hell out of the birds. Our chicken egg production has gone up , The Turkeys are laying eggs again , we even have one playing mum to 4 chicks.


Anyway as a point of interest in 2015 August we were doing (THIS )

Bye Bye for NOW …. M&M

A Foresters eye View

When you run a Smallholding / farm etc. every day you are doing something that is for the future hence the title. A Forester knows that planting saplings. is NOT going to produce anything any time soon.

So it was with US it was  always about everything we did on a daily basis IT was never about the NOW unless it was Mucking out  it was  always about what we were doing next week or next month or for the spring etc. So because of the pissing planning office we are a little bit at 6’s and 7’s. ( Read last weeks post if you have NO idea what im on about ) It is hard to have the motivation when you have had a swift kick in the undercarriage .

Anyway that aside ( for the time being anyway.) The much talked about much pictured ” Footlands Propper ” that we grew from cuttings of that famous old tree ,did the done thing and produced some apples for our delectation .

 Anyway whatever happens . Martina and I will always have this Blog to look back on . AND with some pride at what  (” two Old Codgers” as our nobby neighbours refered to us  ) have achieved in the last 5 years  here is an insight …

LIKE THIS From 2015

And this from 2016

Any way the BLOG will continue until it stops !  I always was the King of the bleedin obvious 🙂

Tarra fer Now  M&M

open letter to HM Planning inspectorate

And other stuff

Dear Sirs, I would like to thank the Planning Inspectorate for their hard work and endeavours in processing our appeal with such haste. I would like to thank you for being so singularly blinkered and narrow-minded as to have total disregard for the facts put before you.

I would like to express my thanks for the total indifference for the demonstrable facts and figures presented at our recent hearing.

I would also Thank them for making and effort to do a site visit and then apparently ignoring all the obvious signs that you were on a FARM Thanks for ignoring the undisputed facts that our world whilst dominated by feeding kids is not that exclusively . Other things have to be done on farms just to keep them running.

Thanks also come from the Breeding stock who’s fate you have now sealed , Whilst there is livestock who just pass through our farmstead on their way to the table there are also Breeding stocks who are our companions Like Bowie and Bernard the Turkey Toms , Mr and Mrs Emden ,“Cock” Hudson and the hudsonettes ( The Indian Game Chicken s ) Casper the NZ White and his Missus and not forgetting Nanny’s Annette Claudette Suzette and Paulette ( the breeding Nannies ) Toby the Mangalitsa Boar Tamsin the Tamworth Sow Mr Soft and the Wrecking Crew.. All of these animals have been cared for and nurtured for the last four years , They will have to be found new homes or be slaughtered .

I should similarly congratulate the planning Inspectorate for managing with the swipe of a pen to shatter the hopes and aspirations of two hard working and potentially self sufficient Smallholders. My parents instilled the adage that honesty is the best policy .. Well I should also like to thank the Planning Inspectorate for Shooting down that belief without so much as a pang of compassion. Yours ,

Mr Angry  , Maundown.

RANT OVER for NOW. Grrrrr Fekin Grrrrr

We had our Skins back from those lovely people at the Organic  Sheepskin Co  They really care about their work and the finish is sublime. 

Other news.. The RatMan is lucky to be alive. As where he was stood Saturday whilst searching for dispatched rats. On Sunday  looked like this ! The first picture seems tame enough but wait till you see  what happened to the shed.

So its covering the Fence !

It is Huge , unsurprising it is a huge old OAK and it has figured several times in our Blog.

  Right Im off to have a GOOD OLD think about  what we do next 😦


HI Terri

Terri is the latest addition to our homestead. Bought as a replacement for Suki ( not that she is leaving us she is just gonna be a spare and a farm workhorse ) I am NOT aloud in to this one unless Im Clean as it is really for Martina. Anyway SHE ( Terri ) is really sweet.

If you follow us regularly  you will be aware of martinas love of ditches and ponds . basically if its wet then one of three things you can wager on . Martina is either Looking to get in , IN or just got out Guess what this is the result of her attacking the Goose Pond.

 She also started attacking the Hedge around the ” Bog of eternal stench ” as it, like everything else has grown disproportionally .

 We can see the goats down the hill now. 🙂

One of the fruit trees that was NOT attacked by the geese has apples on it they are small but perfectly formed.

 Young Goats are growing well.

Do you know what Virginia Creeper  DOES ? as the name implies it CREEPS . And its creeping rather well. cant wait till it turns for Autumn .

Oh and bizarrely we took delivery of a Round bale of hay that looks like a huge Cotton Reel 🙂

And remember I was saying about the hydrangea that adorn the site well I found a few I missed and they are corkers.. All so different.

Anyway this time in 2016 We were doing  ( THIS ) 

Tara fer Now  …


Gravel ! ‘N’ Steps

We had a downpour on tuesday evening , Thunder Lightning and a shed lot of rain. SO much in fact it washed road gravel and rubble down the lane up to the farmgate , down the road and in to our cross site channel/ditch. it came with such speed it blocked up the tunnel under Molly Mows Bridge to the point where it overflowed in to the field. It took Martina an age to clear it out . But it should be ok if we have more rain this week.

We have had a Weasle/ or Stoat rock up this week and kill some of this years hatchlings. However it seems to have left the older ones alone. One of the surviving Little ones is off to pastures green having been promised to our neighbour . Its a cross of some kind with a legbar for sure as she has the Nanny Hat .

Thanks go out to STU from Hinkley who donated these gurt thick patio slabs . They have been utilized on the drop from the Chicken coop to Orchard Rd. Good job too ! If find another 10 Stu I could finish it off.

We had a broody so we stuck 4 dark brown eggs under her three she hatched one she lobbed out ( Like she Knew it was infertile ) anyway the result is three White Chicks,

For the most part Excluding the Storm it has been HOT damn HOT

So Hot the Thermometer has even given up … its 30 something I Think 🙂

Any way this time in 2016 we were doing THIS

Must go now I have stuff to DO ,, Tarah


Goat wrestling, an outbreak of Lead poisoning. And eau de Goat

Toggies are lovely goats BUT do have a propensity to get up to mischief , sometimes this is commical  some times just a nuisance. We had a bit of both this weekend some just having fun and One who decided to grapple with me after forcing his way under a fence.

The Wrecking Crew. ( The big Billes ) have decided to make themselves more attractive to the opposite sex it would be appropriate to Pee all over their  beards. in the forlorn attempt to draw in the females . So they have not just grown Ginger beards over night. Stinks too. Im tempted  But I cant see it washing with Martina somehow.

 Last years cuttings ( Fruit bushes ) are growing strong and will be real strong for next year , as will the Strawberry runners. and the cuttings of hydrangea that Martina took this week.

Other  stuff is doing just great runners / broad / French beans , But the Grape vines have gone bonkers. and considering they are only 3 years old its incredible , year one they were just cuttings 9 inches high in a pot last year was their first in the greenhouse and produced a  few bunches. This year however is a whole different ball game. Take a look you will see what I mean.

The Crampton Propper is doing what its always done . Well the original tree this is just a cutting. And that is producing apples. It was the bain of my dads life that old tree , over the years he must have wheelbarrowed tons of apples in to the hedge.


Right we are off till next week.

But this time in 2015 we were doing THIS

Bye Bye for Now  M&M

A German named farm in the heart of the West of England